got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
