I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
