they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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