why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
