i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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