I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i drank out of a bidet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
