It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
