I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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