I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You can't special order awesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
