currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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