I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
