I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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