I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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