I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
