I just saw a hot homeless man
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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