Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
