Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
