So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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