So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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