i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
whose parrot is this?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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