i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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