I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
