Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
