Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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