so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
