Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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