I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize