I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
