I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
