If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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