those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Girls should come with a carfax report
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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