need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
