Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
