I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
