i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
