I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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