In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
