I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
