Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize