I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
