my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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