He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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