girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
