I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
