Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
