I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
