so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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