Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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