I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so let's talk penis.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
