We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
pop tarts are not kleenex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
