you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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