you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
