I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
