as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
