You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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