Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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